Immortal Matchmakers, Inc. Read online

  Hannah Roberson: “I Wanna Know What Love is....

  Cassie Colthurst: “Closer” by Jem

  Trenna Harris: “Heave” Skidrow

  Lisa Regenthal: “Love of a Lifetime: by Firehouse

  Michelle Strong: “Secret” by Maroon 5

  Trenna Harris: “All of Me” by John Legend

  Shasta Mosley: “Like I'm Gonna Lose You” by John Legend

  Madonna Hoskins: “Spend My Life” by Tami

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Thank you to Team Minky, my street team, who is always there to cheer me on with every book release and for all the fun in between. You ladies are incredible!

  A HUUUGE thank you to my gods and goddesses who suck it up and read a book that is less than perfect so I can deliver a more awesome story to my readers: Kylie, Dalitza, Bridget, and Ally. And as always, thank you to TEAM MIMI for your professional support in making my books sparkle and shine: Latoya, Pauline, Su, Jan, and Stef!

  FUGLY - COMING SOON!

  Coming September 28th, 2015

  My name is Lily Snow. I am twenty-five years old, and despite being born with an extremely unattractive face, I have never doubted who I am: smart, driven, and beautiful on the inside.

  Until I met Maxwell Cole.

  He’s handsome, excessively wealthy, and the owner of Cole Cosmetics. It’s been my dream to work for this man for as long as I can remember. The good news is he wants to hire me. The bad news is he wants me for all the wrong reasons. Ugly reasons.

  In exchange, he’s offered me my dreams on a silver platter. The job. The title. A beautiful future. But this man is as messed up and ugly as they come on the inside. I’m not sure anyone can help him, and he just might take my heart down with him.

  (STAND ALONE NOVEL)

  BUY NOW: www.mimijean.net/fugly.html

  MerCiless – Coming November 30th, 2015!

  Book #3, The Mermen Trilogy

  This Guy Messed with the Wrong Woman…

  There's a funny thing about luck. One day it runs out. And when it does you'd better be ready to answer for your sins. Especially if you are a merman.

  BUY LINKS: http://www.mimijean.net/merciless-book-3.html

  MACK (from the King Trilogy)

  Coming February, 2016

  He won’t break you. But his story will tear your heart to pieces…

  BUY LINKS: http://www.mimijean.net/mack.html

  Glossary

  Black Jade: Found only in a particular mine located in southern Mexico, this jade has very special supernatural properties, including the ability to absorb supernatural energy—in particular, god energy. When worn by humans, it is possible for them to have physical contact with a god. If injected, it can make a person addicted to doing bad things. If the jade is fueled with dark energy and then released, it can be used as a weapon. Chaam personally likes using it to polish his teeth.

  Demilords: Once upon a time, they were a group of immortal badass vampires who’d been infused with the light of the gods. Now free from their jobs (killing Obscuros), and their vampire bloodline dead, they have all turned into plain old demigods, but are still just as deadly and lethal as ever.

  Maaskab: Originally a cult of bloodthirsty Mayan priests who believed in the dark arts. It is rumored they are responsible for bringing down their entire civilization with their obsession for human sacrifices (mainly young female virgins). Once Chaam started making half-human children, he decided all firstborn males would make excellent Maaskab due to their proclivity for evil.

  Obscuros: Evil vampires who do not live by the Pact and who like to dine on innocent humans since they really do taste the best.

  The Pact: An agreement between the gods and good vampires that dictates the dos and don’ts. There are many parts to it, but the most important rules are vampires are not allowed to snack on good people (called Forbiddens), they must keep their existence a secret, and they are responsible for keeping any rogue vampires in check.

  Payal: Although the gods can take humans to their realm and make them immortal, Payals are the true genetic offspring of the gods but are born mortal, just like humans. Most do not have any powers.

  Uchben: An ancient society of scholars and warriors who serve as the gods’ eyes and ears in the human world. They also do the books and manage the gods’ earthly assets.

  Character Definitions

  The Gods

  Although every culture around the world has their own names and beliefs related to beings of worship, there are actually only fourteen gods. And since the gods are able to access the human world only through the portals called cenotes, located in the Yucatán, the Mayans were big fans.

  Another fun fact: The gods often refer to each other as brother and sister, but the truth is they are just another species of the Creator and completely unrelated.

  Acan—God of Wine and Intoxication: Also known as Belch, Acan has been drunk for a few thousand years. He generally wears only tightie whities, but since he’s the life of the party, he’s been known to mix it up and go naked, too. Whatever works.

  Ah-Ciliz—God of Solar Eclipses: Called A.C. by his brethren, Ah-Ciliz is generally thought of as a giant buzz kill because of his dark attitude.

  Akna—Goddess of Fertility: She is so powerful, it is said she can make inanimate objects fornicate and that anyone who gets in the same room as her ends up pregnant. She is often seen hanging out with her brother Acan at parties.

  Backlum Chaam—God of Male Virility: He’s responsible for discovering black jade and figuring out how to procreate with humans.

  Camaxtli—Goddess of the Hunt: Also once known as Fate until she was discovered to be a fake and had her powers stripped away by the Universe. She’s now referred to as “Fake.”

  Colel Cab—Mistress of Bees: Though she has many, many powers, “Bees” is most known for the live beehive hat on her head. She has never had a boyfriend or lover because her bees get too jealous.

  Goddess of Forgetfulness: She has no official name that is known of and has the power to make anyone forget anything. She spends her evenings DJing because she finds the anonymity of dance clubs to be comforting.

  Ixtab—Goddess of Happiness (ex-Goddess of Suicide): Ixtab’s once morbid frock used to make children scream. But since finding her soul mate, she’s now the epitome of all things happy.

  K’ak (Pronounced “cock”): The history books remember him as K’ak Tiliw Chan Yopaat, ruler of Copán in the 700s AD. King K’ak is one of Cimil’s favorite brothers. We’re not really sure what he does, but he can throw bolts of lightning, wears a giant silver and jade headdress with intertwining serpents, and has long black and silver hair.

  Kinich Ahau—ex-God of the Sun: Known by many other names, depending on the culture, Kinich likes to go by Nick these days. He’s also now a vampire—something he’s actually not so bummed about. He is mated to the love of his life, Penelope, the Ruler of the House of Gods.

  Máax—Once known as the God of Truth, Máax was banished for repeatedly violating the ban on time travel. However, since helping to save the world from the big “over,” he is now known as the God of Time Travel. Also turns out he was the God of Love, but no one figured that out until his mate, Ashli, inherited his power. Ashli is now the fourteenth deity, taking the place of Camaxtli, the Fake.

  Votan—God of Death and War: Also known as Odin, Wotan, Wodan, God of Drums (he has no idea how the hell he got that title; he hates drums), and Lord of Multiplication (okay, he is pretty darn good at math so that one makes sense). These days, Votan goes by Guy Santiago (it’s a long story—read ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE WITH…A GOD?), but despite his deadly tendencies, he’s all heart.

  Yum Cimil—Goddess of the Underworld: Also known as Ah-Puch by the Mayans, Mictlantecuhtli (try saying that one ten times) by the Aztec, Grim Reaper by the Europeans, Hades by the Greeks…you get the picture! Despite what people say, Cimil is actually a female, adores a good bargain (especially garage sales) and the color pink, and she hates clo
wns. She’s also bat-shit crazy, has an invisible pet unicorn named Minky, and is married to Roberto, the king of all vampires.

  Zac Cimi—Bacab of the North: What the heck is a Bacab? According to the gods’ folklore, the Bacabs are the four eldest and most powerful of the gods. Once thought to be the God of Love, we now know differently. Zac is the God of Temptation, and his tempting ways have landed him in very hot water. Because no matter how tempting your brother’s mate might be, trying to steal her is wrong. He is currently serving time in Los Angeles with Cimil, running the Immortal Matchmakers agency.

  Not the Gods

  Andrus: Ex-Demilord (vampire who’s been given the gods’ light), now just a demigod after his maker, the vampire queen, died. According to Cimil, his son (who hasn’t been born yet) is destined to marry Helena and Niccolo’s daughter, Matty.

  Brutus: One of the gods’ elite Uchben warriors. He doesn’t speak much, but that’s because he and his team are telepathic. They are also immortal (a gift from the gods) and next in line to be Uchben chiefs.

  Helena Strauss: Once human, Helena is now a vampire and married to Niccolo DiConti. She has a half-vampire daughter, Matty, who is destined to marry Andrus’s son, according to Cimil.

  Matty: The infant daughter of Helena and Niccolo, destined to marry Andrus’s son.

  Niccolo DiConti: General of the Vampire Army. Now that the vampire queen is dead, the army remains loyal to him. He shares power with his wife, Helena Strauss, and has a half-vampire daughter, Matty.

  Reyna: The dead vampire queen.

  Roberto (Narmer): Originally an Egyptian pharaoh, Narmer was one of the six Ancient Ones—the very first vampires. He eventually changed his name to Roberto and moved to Spain—something to do with one of Cimil’s little schemes. He now spends his days lovingly undoing Cimil’s treachery, being a stay-at-home dad, and taking her unicorn Minky for a ride.

  Tommaso: Once an Uchben, Tommaso’s mind was poisoned with black jade. He tried to kill Emma, Votan’s mate, but redeemed himself by turning into a spy for the gods.

  Tula: The incorruptible administrative assistant at Immortal Matchmakers, Inc.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Mimi Jean Pamfiloff is a New York Times & USA Today best-selling author of Paranormal and Contemporary Romance. Her books have been #1 genre sellers around the world. Both traditionally and independently published, Mimi has sold over 600,000 books since publishing her first title in 2012, and she plans to spontaneously combust once she hits the one million mark. Although she obtained her international MBA and worked for over 15 years in the corporate world, she believes that it’s never too late to come out of the romance closet and follow your dream.

  When not screaming at her computer or hosting her very inappropriate radio show (Man Candy Show on Radioslot.com), Mimi spends time with her two pirates in training, her loco-for-the-chili-pepper hubby, and her rat terrier, DJ Princess Snowflake, in the San Francisco Bay Area.

  She continues to hope that her books will inspire a leather pants comeback (for men) and that she might make you laugh when you need it most.

  Sign up for Mimi’s mailing list for giveaways and new release news!

  LEARN MORE:

  mailto: [email protected]

  www.mimijean.net

  https://twitter.com/MimiJeanRomance

  http://radioslot.com/show/mancandyshow/

  https://www.facebook.com/MimiJeanPamfiloff

  ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ:

  1. Dear gods, I am so very grateful that Mimi has decided to write a spin-off of the Accidentally Yours Series because:

  A. It gives me an excuse to continue sending Mimi unicorn-themed items (such as hand-crocheted hats, earrings, headbands with uni-horns, stickers, socks, “I don’t believe in humans” T-shirts, “I fucking love unicorns” pint glasses, and underwear) as well as all of the unicorn-related posts I find on Facebook.

  B. It did not sit well with me that Andrus, Tommaso, Belch (the God of Wine), Bees, the Goddess of Forgetfulness, Gabran, K’ak, Zac, Sentin, and all of the other immortals I’ve grown to love have not found their mates. Where’s the justice in that?!

  C. I do not buy for one moment that Cimil can be reformed, but I’m excited to watch her try.

  D. Men in leather pants with turquoise eyes make me wetter than a tadpole.

  ANSWER: ALL OF THE ABOVE

  2. I predict that during the IMMORTAL MATCHMAKERS, INC., series, we will discover the following about Minky the unicorn:

  A. She’s not real and never has been.

  B. She dreams of becoming a porn star.

  C. She is secretly in love with one of the gods.

  D. Minky isn’t a unicorn, but another species enslaved by Cimil for her own personal amusement.

  ANSWER: ALL OF THE ABOVE

  3. Cimil hates clowns because:

  A. They are evil.

  B. They are evil.

  C. They are evil.

  ANSWER: Need you really ask?

  Go back to Contents

  Table of Contents

  OTHER WORKS BY MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF:

  DEDICATION

  WARNING:

  IMMORTAL MATCHMAKERS, INC

  My Dearest People Pets:

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  FUGLY - COMING SOON!

  MerCiless – Coming November 30th, 2015!

  MACK (from the King Trilogy)

  Glossary

  Character Definitions The Gods

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ: