MY PEN IS HUGE Read online

  I chuckle. “Hmmm…but what if we need food or water?”

  “You’ll have to carry me.”

  “Like a hermit crab and its shell?” I smile.

  “Exactly.”

  “You’re funny,” I say.

  “And you’re beautiful. For an intern who doesn’t know how to keep her emotions in check.”

  “Har har.”

  His smug smile melts away. “You do know that I love you, right?”

  “Yes. And please promise that going forward, you’ll only use the word love in that context.”

  “Absolutely, pumpkin.”

  EPILOGUE

  Leland

  “It’s kind of strange to think we were here before, dancing and ready to murder each other,” Gisselle says, swaying in my arms to that Dolly Parton song we heard all those months ago.

  Little does Gisselle know that I never wanted to murder her. Quite the opposite. I think she fascinated me from the first moment we met. I even took notes on my phone because I think I hoped that someday I might tell our story. To our little mangos.

  Why can’t I stop using the fruit analogy?

  Anyway, I’m getting her a warm-up gift first. Hint: it wears a tiny T-shirt and says baaa. No, it’s not the one from the Taronga Zoo, but it looks just like him. He’ll be right at home on our ten acres.

  “So, have you thought about what you’d like for the wedding dinner?” she asks.

  “Anything but lamb. What did you have in mind?” I ask.

  She shrugs. “I was thinking BEER beer, for sentimental value of course, and a nacho bar.”

  The BEER beer I understand, though absolutely not. My bride deserves much better. The nacho bar, however… “Nachos for our wedding?” Because we’re getting married at a winery in Oregon where Gisselle’s old flatmate Camila is now working. I haven’t been there, but I hear it’s quite fancy.

  “Why not nachos?” Gisselle says. “Feels like the perfect symbol for our relationship—lots of ingredients and a little heat went into making it.”

  “Same could be said about a nice soup. Perhaps a spicy casserole.”

  “Fine. You win. What would you like to eat? And don’t say something crude like my lady garden.”

  I stick out my lower lip. “All right. As much as I’d like that, I think…I would like a meal completely made of green things. Salad, pesto, green Jell-O.”

  “Okay… Should I bother asking why?” she says.

  Her eyes are green, and the moment I looked into them, I knew I’d spend the rest of my life trying to understand how one woman could make me feel so insane and so in love. “I will let you figure that one out.”

  “Merrick, hey, there’s a call for you.” Jed holds up the phone behind the bar.

  That’s odd, I didn’t tell anyone I’d be here.

  “Who is it?” Gisselle asks.

  I shrug and walk over to take it. I reach across the counter and hold the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

  “I hope you’re treating her well.”

  Fuck. I know this voice. “Kristoff?” I whisper.

  “Just wanted to tell Gisselle thank you for emailing the manuscript. She did a great job telling my story.”

  “Errr…sure, mate.” We don’t actually know what’s going to happen next. Kristoff expects his story to be published, but we have no desire to immortalize this madman or see him profit from his murders. On the other hand, he has stopped killing people, so there’s that. Don’t want to upset the apple cart. The guy is a ticking time bomb. “We’ll definitely keep you posted on next steps.”

  “I thought we could talk at the wedding. Since we’re practically family, I know you want me to be there.”

  What the bloody hell? How does he even know we’re getting married? “Sure…uh…yeah. See you there.”

  “No cops. No tricks, right?” Kristoff’s voice is riddled with the threat of a painful death if I disobey.

  “No. Never. Family first, and all that.” I try to sound casual and calm.

  “See you soon, brother.” The call ends, and I can hardly keep my feet underneath me. “Can I get a double, mate?” I tell Jed.

  “Sure.”

  “Hey, you okay?” Gisselle appears at my side. “Your face is all clammy.”

  No. Not okay. A hit man now thinks he’s part of her—our—family and will be attending our wedding.

  I paste on a smile. “Couldn’t be better, love. Couldn’t be better.” I hold out my hand and gesture for us to return to our dance. We’ll just be having an uninvited guest to our wedding. Nothing I can’t handle. After all, I’m Leland Merrick. Danger and I are old friends.

  THE END?

  Want more OHellNo? Then you’d better WINE HARD, BABY (Hint. Hint. Get it? Wine. Winery. A roommate who…okay, never mind.) Head on over to the book page for updates or keep scrolling for a sneak peek at the HOT, HOT cover!

  www.mimijean.net/winehard.html

  Or just keep reading for instructions on how to score a FREE signed MY PEN IS HUGE bookmark.

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  All right, my BIG PEN addicts! I hope you enjoyed Gisselle and Leland’s story! If you’re looking for more, be sure to sign up for my awesome newsy newsletter (link at the end of this book). If you’re looking for FREE signed bookmarks or fridge mags, keep going…

  For signed bookmarks, you know what to do, but just in case!

  1. Send an email to [email protected] with your FULL NAME and SHIPPING ADDRESS (include country if outside the US). So sorry that you must do this for every book, but I do not keep readers’ personal info.

  2. Wait for me to dig through my email mountain.

  3. If I do NOT reply to your request within four weeks, assume baby lambs have taken me. Send a quick email to be sure so we can check to see where your goodies went.

  4. If you POST A REVIEW, please DO mention it and provide a link/screenshot. If I have extra goodies (like the highly coveted fridge magnets), I just might throw one in. It’s first come first get, but at the very least, you’ll get a BIG thank you from me and good karma points.

  All right, my bibliophiles! HAPPY BOOK HOARDING!

  With Love,

  Mimi

  P.S. → Check out the MY PEN IS HUGE playlist on Spotify.

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  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A HUUUGE thank you to my support team and to the professionals who work tirelessly to help me with these books! Especially author J. Nathan, who decided she really, REALLY wanted to read a crappy first draft on her first go. She showed no fear. So brave!

  To everyone else, you’re pretty much used to my insane process and schedule, but nonetheless, you get huge hugs from me. Book #41! Woohoo!!! Su, Karen, Kylie Gilmore, J. Nathan, Pauline, Paul… thanks for the support and professionalism.

  Javi, Nana, Carport, Seb, TT, Mini, Mack, and Snowy… Seriously. We need to stop eating so much. LOL!

  With Love,

  Mimi

  COMING SOON!

  The Librarian’s Vampire Assistant, Book 4

  “No more Mr. Nice guy…”

  FOR MORE INFO, GO TO:

  www.mimijean.net/lva4.html

  OHELLNO, Book 6

  He’s country.

  She’s wine country.

  But that doesn’t mean they can’t overcome their hate.

  FOR MORE INFO, GO TO:

  www.mimijean.net/winehard.html

  WISH

  Coming 2020!

  Everything she’s ever wished for is about to come true. Including him.

  How’s it possible?

  FOR MORE INFO, GO TO:

  www.mimijean.net/wish.html

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  MIMI JEAN PAMFILO
FF is a New York Times bestselling author who’s sold over one million books around the world. Although she obtained her MBA and worked for more than fifteen years in the corporate world, she believes that it’s never too late to come out of the romance closet and follow your dreams.

  Mimi lives with her Latin lover hubby, one pirate-in-training, one firefighter-in-training (their boys), and their three spunky dragons (really, just very tiny dogs with big attitudes) Snowy, Mini, and Mack, in the vampire-unfriendly state of Arizona.

  She hopes to make you laugh when you need it most and continues to pray daily that leather pants will make a big comeback for men.

  Sign up for Mimi’s mailing list for giveaways and new release news!

  STALK MIMI:

  www.mimijean.net

  twitter.com/MimiJeanRomance

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